Snakes. Planes. And Other Forgotten Bits of Cultural Flotsam

Years later, I was recently reminded of a particular gem of a film from 2006. It may not have been beloved by the critics or the audiences. In fact, it may have only been known for its title, but let me say it right now, "Snakes on a Plane" might have been the most underrated movie of 2006. So let me remind readers of my original review from some long forgotten publication.
(more after the jump)


Which of course, isn't to say that it was good. In fact" it's also probably the most overrated movie of 2006 as well, but that's alright.

Let me start by saying most of my formative movies while growing up was B movie garbage from the '80s. Part of the joy of these semi-camp, semi-exploitive types, were that they didn't take themselves at all seriously. They aren't particularly memorable, but they try to actually get people to enjoy themselves as they watch it. Again and again. And no matter what anyone says, Return of the Killer Tomatoes remains one of the greatest American films of the last 50 years. While "Snakes" doesn't reach the height of the Killer Tomatoes, or Cannibal Women of the Avocado Jungle of Death, that's not due to being in an entirely different game, but just a sign of being a little more tame.

The plot's not worth talking about...scary Asian gangsters, Hawaii, a way of circumventing TSA instead of box-cutters, a few dozen lovable and irritating stereotypes, some sex and drug use (oh of course they're the first to die), deaths in every way possible as long as it's from a snake... The less said the better. The point is that it all fits together by the end, and that Sammy L. Jackson gets to stride around and take charge.

However, he does that a lot less than you might expect. He listens, he lets others do much of the work, and even has a romantic subplot. Will "Snakes on a Plane" be remembered as the beginning of the end of BAMF Jackson? (Let's say no)To take it a little further, one of his character arcs in the movie is learning to let go of control and place himself in another hands (which takes place of course over the ocean, thank you psychoanalysis). On the strength of this, maybe he can start moving onto romantic comedies, which I guess if you consider chaining Christina Ricci to a radiator a romance, he's already well on his way. (another forgotten. Gem. Ahem.)

"Snakes" holds no pretensions about itself, and spends its time playing games, which while never exactly highbrow, is the point. This is the movie in which we learn that microwaves have, or at least all should have, a snake button (it takes a little over 2 minutes to fry a snake according to the button, but by my count it only took about 5 seconds--you're going to have a mighty burnt snake if you don't pay attention). That playing a playstation flight simulator is great for everything except landing the plane (another September 11th parallel, I'll come back to this). And that most importantly, months of marketing and pop culture saturation can make certain lines hilarious beyond belief. I won't lie, when near the end, the closeup of Samuel L. comes in and he utters his perfect line, I giggled uncontrollably for a few minutes. And yet I'd heard it a million times before, someone had sent me answering machine messages with the line, at least a dozen songs on the radio used it (along with at least another few thousand mixes made in bedrooms), and it was being used as the main selling point for the movie, so much so that before hand I'd been irritated that he hadn't even used the expletive associated with it for the duration of the movie. But when it came... it's still gold.

However, the problem with "Snakes" is that it can't hold up to that gold standard. It's stupid, and knows it's stupid, no question. But it wasn't stupid enough to live up to the marketing hype. Most people came expecting it to be utterly camp, utterly silly, and so bad that it's good. The problem is, it's good. Its plot holds together remarkably well considering, and while the snakes look CGI, that doesn't stop them from being fun for a jump or two. This is not troma or Roger Corman, but rather, honestly, Hitchcock. Sound weird? Sound like the stupidest thing you've read today? Look at Hitchcock's 1963 film about unlikely animals attacking an isolated group. It's a stupid concept, the animals look fake, the name explains it all, characters are pastiches of angry hicks, and yet The Birds is a fantastic B movie. I'm not saying David Ellis is Hitchcock, but I'm saying that they both have got a similar nasty sense of humor, and that in both movies part of the joy is how they kill off irritating characters, in implausible, silly ways--all taking advantage of typical situations and making them terrifying through the presence of dangerous animals. I love "The Birds" and it doesn't sound wrong for me to say that, but when I say that about its modern-day substitute, I feel embarassed.

Someday, and I know this is the tackiest suggestion I've made in quite a while, I'd really like to have a double bill of "Snakes," and its close cousin that came out the same year, United 93. I know it's in poor form, but it's hard not to compare them. Obviously their locations are the same, but the plots are the same too. Plane is taken over by a group of exotics (none of these snakes come from the US), who smuggle in weapons that are difficult to track by airline security and then kill the pilots. The passengers band together while on the phone with the FBI, and manage to stop the hijackers by destroying the plane. Now "Snakes" has a happy ending (though who knows how many other flights were simultaneously taken by Eddie Kim's snakes), while "United" has to settle for uplifting, but regardless definitely the same sorts of plots. Beyond that, the only nationality of a snake given is Middle-Eastern, the fact that the guy who's logged all those hours never learned how to land, the whole concept of hijacking a plane using weapons that can't be tracked by a metal detector, the stewardesses sense of sacrifice. The parallels are striking. And if I were in Homeland Security, I'd be trying to find a way to prevent snakes on crack from getting on the plane. Or just plan a way to shoot the dream sequel, Snakes on a Bus (starring SLJ as the driver, who's stuck in a Speed scenario with a few crates of vipers).